With only 3 days left until the most anticipated summer event in Chicago, Lollapalooza, it’s time to finalize your preparations and ensure you’ll be rolling in style this weekend. Most of you rave babies probably think I’m referring to buying the right one-piece swimsuit or stocking up on temporary tattoos, but you Lolla veterans know exactly what I’m talking about. Restriction after restriction, selfie-stick ban after hammock prohibition, X-Ray inspection after cavity search, the festival Powers That Be seem to be taking a turn toward “The Man”, and killing your hopes of bringing your most treasured festival swag to the lakefront.
Long have we been prepping for the day that they tell us that we cannot bring our giant inflatable ball inside the gates, forced to walk from stage to stage rather than flipping away inside the human hamster wheel. The only remedy we know? Bury that shit. Don’t let yourself be that guy who can’t participate in pool noodle jousting at Perry’s because you didn’t think ahead. You WILL live to regret it. And whether you snort it or swallow it, smoke it or drink it, make sure that your Lolla time capsule is well stocked with the dopest of party favors. Don’t waste another minute, grab your shovel and head over to Grant Park, with all of your prohibited, yet mission critical items for the 25th anniversary celebration of one of the world’s most esteemed festivals. Or don’t, you f*cking loser.