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Uber now offering ‘Clothed Grope’ and ‘Mild Molestation’ in addition to ‘Full On Rape’ ride options.

Chicago, IL – In order to differentiate from increased competition and increasing demand for convenience and a customized experience, Uber is now offering a ‘Clothed Grope’ and ‘Mild Molestation’ rides in addition to its more traditional ‘Full On Rape’ ride option.

“Give the people what they want. Sometimes customers are in a hurry and do not have much time,” said Hassan Rabi, an Uber driver with 15 months experience. “These new ride options provide them the choice of a speedier non-consensual experience.”

The San Francisco-based company, who has tested out the new ride options in progressive metropolises such as Portland, Oregon and Berlin, Germany are now ready to provide these new ride options to Chicago users.

               “Chicago is a city whose citizens demand the latest and greatest in innovation and service,” said Travis Kalanicky, CEO of Uber. “These new ride options will revolutionize the industry and help increase our already-high customer satisfaction levels. Man or woman, adult or child, with Uber we promise to give you exactly the kind of ride you will never be able to forget.”

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