TRENDING

Olympic Athletes advised to begin ingesting small amounts of fecal matter in preparation for Rio Games

© Nana Trongratanawong | 2014

Rio De Janiero, Brasil-

The Olympic Board of Brazilian Safety and Regulation (O.B.B.S.R) is now advising both domestic and International competing athletes to begin ingesting small amounts of  viral gastrointestinal bacteria to allow the bodies ecosystem to assimilate to the foreign antibodies.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if the Olympic Sailors or Swimmers run into some solid state materials when out there competing, I’m talking turds. It’s really that bad.” Said Vladivir Postica team Moldova’s assistant swimming coach.

The waterways of Brazil have recently been tested and samples were teeming with  more than 1 Million times the normal amount of viral bacteria. Studies confirm  that ingesting a single mouthful (3 Teaspoons of more) of the water is almost guaranteed to cause illness.

“I am advising both aquatic and non-aquatic athletes to begin eating a lil’ poo poo. Let your body get used to the macrobiotic enzymes  because in Rio you are going to get a taste.” said Matheus  Oliveira a Olympic medical official.

The latest warning came after a rash of complaints arising from the unsanitary conditions in Rio and the cities failure to meet environmental and health standards.

If these games weren’t already marred by pin headed babies and lack of security  we can now plan to wait extra long  for the bathrooms as well. At least the athletes that don’t go home with a Medal will be able to bring something back to their homeland.. a raging case of E. Coli.

Let the games begin!

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