In the news today, Curtis Jackson, known better by his popular stage name, “50 Cent”, appeared in federal court to file Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
Mr. Jackson proved that despite the information contained in his lyrics, which boast of his enormous wealth, his current unsecured debt massively exceeds his estates current assets.
What’s more bizarre is the declaration of the aforementioned assets, which amount to a single item, a “12 foot electrocution pool used for dog fighting”.
The “asset”, which is comprised of nothing more than a kiddie pool, 12 DieHard car batteries and a gas powered generator, was not recognized by the court and actually drew unwanted attention to the illegal activities of the famous rapper. The item typically serves as a make shift euthanasia device for lame or wounded animals.
“The court will not recognize the asset for a number of reasons. First, because the item and it’s intended use have been deemed cruel, immoral and highly illegal in all states of this country. Second, it’s value cannot be reasonably appraised. Due to the illegal nature of the asset, no retail market exists. In closing, the court dismisses the asset claim on the ‘$25,000 electrocution pool used for dog fighting’ and furthermore retains the asset as evidence in a pending federal investigation of Mr. Jackson’s involvement in an illegal underground dog fighting syndicate”.
Witnesses claim that upon being asked for an explanation for his actions, Mr. Jackson “muttered unintelligibly in Ebonics with his mouth barely open”. The stenographer deciphered his statement as the following,
“It’s for dem lame dogs dough, dem bad dogs.”
It’s reported that he then proceeded to make sounds like a gun shot, “pow pow”, while turning his wrist and pointing his “hand-gun” at the judge’s clerk. He was quickly declared in contempt.
Critics have already begun speculation that the infamous Michael Vick will provide a cameo on 50 Cent’s next album appropriately titled: “Get Rich or Go Broke Pretending to Be”